Silence and Apologies

To my family whom I dearly love ... I apologize for my holiday silences.  It will be better (soon, I hope).  Thank you to those who have reached out to me - even if I haven't responded (yet).

Happy New Year (by definition)

Here's hoping ... sigh ... the New Year hasn't seemed all bright and shiny or even festive yet.

This morning at church, a great emphasis was placed on the word "new" and the message was largely about fasting (before we launch into our 21 day fast - giving up something natural in pursuit of something supernatural).  By the end of the service, the hole in my heart wasn't throbbing as bad as it was when I arrived.

By definition, "NEW" means "taking the place of one that came before."  That would probably be an understatement this year.  2012 is new. It's taking the place of 2011.  But there is much else that qualifies as "new." New relational status. New home. New family dynamic. New questions. New pursuits (or the lack thereof).

What I don't know is what exactly will take the place of "one that came before" in most anything in my life right now.

Holiday Spirit

I'm trying! It just doesn't seem like the Christmas season yet ... so when I had an extra 15 minutes after errands while Miss M was at dance class, I went to Rhema to see the lights.  Thankfully, my camera was in the trunk, so I played for a while.  I even tried to create a makeshift bokeh frame out of my drink cover.  Have you ever tried to purposely rip a heart shape into plastic? Not easy! I'll have to go back with a better creation.

In the meantime, I have been thinking about symbolic things ... anything to give a frame to my thoughts or feelings or place in life.  Tonight it's the unfocused but "new focused" interest that can be found by looking beyond the space between me and my environment.

There's more to a scene than what I can see in front of me.
There's more to my environment than what I can focus on.
There's more to my life than what I can carve out of my own efforts.
Somehow ... I want to get my focus off of me, off of the things around me, and set it so far past it all that a new picture appears ...
Something new, different, patterned with possibility, intersecting with inspiration, hinting toward a horizon ripe for discovery.

Maybe this will be my bokeh holiday ... looking past, focusing beyond myself, and finding new beauty.

Happy Holidays!

Little Miss M and I had a fireside night ... which for us is still pretty busy! We burned 12 CDs of the songs she recorded, did 12 CD layouts, and cut 12 CD inserts (part of her Christmas gift project). We ate a lovely meal of couscous and shrimp. She stabbed herself with her fork. And she just reminded me that she lost her tooth (that's where she "stabbed" herself)! The dogs were ever so cute, sweet and lovey-dovey (while smelling the food, of course).

I was inspired by the fire and got my camera out ... and then decided to make a little Christmas card for everyone. I always want to send cards and rarely end up doing it. BUT - this I can do! I have received the cute letters from my relatives telling about the year ... in poetry, in drawings, in pictures. It inspires me! But I rarely am able to find time to get it all done.

So, here's my candle, and my wall
And my wishes for y'all!

How's that for a holiday rhyme? Maybe in the coming days, I'll find time to sit and write (and I know I owe some emails to several people when I get some quiet time). But the fire is slowly dying and it's time for a game of Battleship!

Morning Moments

I think we have started a tradition ... Labor Day Weekends at Camp Tallchief. The first was an attempt at a family birthday weekend with J, but it didn't go over that well with him! He is not my nature boy. Now that he is in Ohio, I have to admit that being at Camp Tallchief is kind of my escape. It's been a year, but it is still so hard to think of my boy being elsewhere.

Time out for a happy birthday message ... To my J, I truly do hope it is a great day for you and that it is celebrated well out in Ohio. My heart always wants the best for you, more and more as each year approaches! I LOVE YOU and always will.

Year three, and we had K's family as visitors a couple of times. WONDERFUL! And the serenity of waking with the horses? PRICELESS. I have to admit that it is tempting to volunteer to be the wrangler (though my horse days are decades behind me) and live out here endlessly!

Eggeriffic!

Easter is special all on its own ... but being able to stay up late and make Easter Eggs with grandparents is priceless!

A fire in the hand ...

... is hopefully NOT worth two in the bush! The kids had their first 4th of July that wasn't a part of some big group or family gathering. We went to the fireworks store for the first time (what a trip!) and set them off until we closed our block down.