Easter

John 20:11-13 (MSG) But Mary stood outside the tomb weeping. As she wept, she knelt to look into the tomb and saw two angels sitting there, dressed in white, one at the head, the other at the foot of where Jesus’ body had been laid. They said to her, “Woman, why do you weep?”

Why do I weep?

Maybe because I am a woman? (LOL).
Because my heart is engaged.
I miss someone.  And sometimes that someone is me.
My heart is drawn out to God.
My dreams are torn.
Worlds collide.
I feel relief.

But this weekend, I wept because I saw new life. I watched others as they probably felt all of these things while they heard about new beginnings that could spring from the God-shaped hole in each of their hearts.  Not just a beginning ... a NEW beginning.  Fresh. Clean. Beautiful. Worthy of tears.

Happy New Year (by definition)

Here's hoping ... sigh ... the New Year hasn't seemed all bright and shiny or even festive yet.

This morning at church, a great emphasis was placed on the word "new" and the message was largely about fasting (before we launch into our 21 day fast - giving up something natural in pursuit of something supernatural).  By the end of the service, the hole in my heart wasn't throbbing as bad as it was when I arrived.

By definition, "NEW" means "taking the place of one that came before."  That would probably be an understatement this year.  2012 is new. It's taking the place of 2011.  But there is much else that qualifies as "new." New relational status. New home. New family dynamic. New questions. New pursuits (or the lack thereof).

What I don't know is what exactly will take the place of "one that came before" in most anything in my life right now.

Turning Entanglement To Art

Sometimes life is bland and flat ... other times it's a tangled mess ... it can be a party ... or it can be the residue from others that is left for me to clean up.  It can look like nothing or an intricate maze.  What makes life beautiful? Perspective.

Maybe my life is all tangled.
Maybe the bright splashes are to be celebrated instead of figured out.
Maybe daily life is a slab of ordinary underneath everything.
But it could be that if I look closer, maybe it's art.

I'm considering adopting a new motto:  Never untangle ... find the beauty.

Celebrating 19 Means 20 Has Launched

Today he is REALLY 19 ... well, in all actuality, he has completed 19 years on this planet and is STARTING 20! It's hard to believe the little guy who surprised me into motherhood is an adult, much less a father as well!

I say surprised because babies weren't being pursued as a goal on the horizon. There was an expectation of 3-5 years of marriage first.  I experienced a little over a year of marriage.  Then ... MOTHER FOREVER.  Some of the journey so far has been amazing, some excruciating, some entertaining, some exhausting, and all of it an adventure one way or another!

So in light of life and change and miracles ... here's to more!  Happy Birthday, Jeremy!!!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Before I do anything else today (and the opportunities are HUGE as I have the day off and at least a dozen projects in flux) ... I want to be sure I publicly wish my mom a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I just happened to ask if there were plans for celebrating her birthday, thinking that I'd probably be able to make time to crash the event with some other Tulsa relatives, and was surprised to find that having special birthday dinners with my step-dad was more of the default and not the actual plan. And it hit me. She's a mom! Moms do everything for others ... They work to make the world go 'round and it doesn't always come back to them. (I'm learning.)

So this weekend, even though time is tight, we had enough to meet partway for a special birthday lunch in Independence, KS at an Italian restaurant Bella Vita. We arranged a special birthday surprise ... didn't they do a nice job? Of course, we also did our traditional birthday blessing (each of us wrote down how she has blessed us and reads it in the group as a way of honoring her), which I can never do without tears. But I get more teary-eyed thinking that we haven't done this for my mom enough!!!

So, Mom, I hope this year is one of the best ever for you. You deserve it! I won't get all mushy-gushy online ... just know you're loved!

Last Day of School!

She went in as a 4th Grader and came out as a 5th Grader!
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