F—The Many F Words

Today I'll start with the phrase fill in the blanks.

But I also want to explore words like:

freedom
fallacy
fiction
find (a cause--or something to say)
filibuster
fervent
fallow
fruit of the Spirit/spirit
forgiveness : letting go of hurt
fear : overcoming with courage
festivals:  celebrating God's goodness
flood : God's promise in the rain
faith : trusting God's promises

Now that I've thought out loud (also with additional help from "Hey, Google!" and its result of Bible words for kids, the ones with short definitions), I see connections to forgiveness and faith. They both affect filling in the blanks of life. 

First of all, faith. It is the "substance of things hoped for" (Hebrews 11:1), which sounds like a blank to be filled in to me! 

But forgiveness is potentially a roadblock to freedom and a door for evil if one does not forgive those who have hurt them (Mark 11:25; 2 Corinthians 2:10–11). To me, that sounds like a needed edit that wasn't done, and until it is, offense clutters the space that should be free to receive correction or a new, better word or structure.

In writing, editing isn't bad. It's refreshing if you have a good editor! It also brings focus and clarity. (Focus would have been a good f-word!) If forgiveness is an edit for the soul, it would be good and necessary to delete the obstructions and make room for God's ways. Then faith can finally fill the blank.

for·​give* (verb) fər-ˈgiv

transitive verb

1 : to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : pardon

2 a : to give up resentment of or claim to requital for

   b : to grant relief from payment of

intransitive verb

: to grant forgiveness

  

*"forgive." Merriam-Webster.com. (6 April 2025).

#AtoZChallenge
#DiscoverGratitude
#WordStudy

Blank as Black, Bright as Light

Staring at this computer screen is remarkably like flying over the ocean at night . . . eerily blank, just in reverse. Flat, bright, silent white. In the air, one can see the last lights of land, a definite, glimmering line, and then it’s unapologetic black, blank space. Somehow everything seems suddenly hushed. Now in reverse, the light stares at me just as blankly as the darkness of night. No nothing. No blip. No emotions. No toppling opinions. No tears. Nothing.

Like any soul open to the expression of words, I wait.

Time passes.

I realize that my mind is not as quiet as I thought. My soul is silently restless. And even in this subtle commotion, no words or emotion come. In the face of nothing, it feels like I have nothing. And I am surprised! But I have a feeling there is a revelation in it. So I hold it toward the Lord.

I wait—with Him.

Oh, my Jesus. My precious Lord and Savior. Oh how beautiful it is that we can spend our days in communion with You. What a privilege. What an honor. What a joy! Your presence is sweet and powerful—both in one. It’s profound. It’s simple. It’s precious. How little we know! And yet how abundantly much we have and experience and come to know in You! May our eyes and hearts be open to so much more. May we breathe as one and share intimately this place of love. You, dear Father, are good. Your mercy endures forever. We march with Your banner over us, for we know Your love.

These are the things my spirit . . .

Interrupted.

A thought came to me a second time with more fullness: forgiveness. The slate is clean. Blank.
I expected an upsurge of emotion after watching the movie Unplanned. I wondered at the cracking open of something shameful from my past. I went—unsure. Would I react to the reactions of others? Would they hate? Would they cheer? Would I react to what the film portrayed? Would it alienate? Would it blame? I did not expect to emerge unshamed.

My wound has healed. It doesn’t hurt to touch it. I don’t flinch at the light of truth. It has been handed to the Lord. The work has been done for some time. Like remembering a scar from childhood, it is a story in the timeline. I may bear the mark in my skin, but the sting of injury is long gone. To the touch it brings no knee-jerk pain. Now the memory can be used with intention and the story can become an example for others.

Tearbitten

News of a dear soul passing to heaven reached me early this morning--the third of such people in recent days and weeks. I spent my waking hours tearbitten.

Tearbitten is my new word. I saw a word from scripture translated as hungerbitten. It doesn't need much definition, does it? Those hunger pangs nibble and bite. That's how tears feel this morning, a cry in response to the heart pangs.

Now I will say that the joyful side of heavenly entrance is very much a reality. And my tears are definitely selfish. I know this. :-) There is a beauty that resonates of a much different nature on that side of the scale.

If my cries could have resurrected someone, I would welcome that! They didn't even rouse my cat. It was all my soul pouring itself out. I'm not sure what I even want to say about that other than I want to write about it, and this is simply a draft at the moment. I may just need to acknowledge the moment while I can.

Something unfinished ... that's the ragged edge to my tears. Not just this morning, but in all three recent situations. For each one, my heart had previously been wanting to reach out--specifically, I wanted to write a letter (or text in one case). Regrets of the undone are the pangs, the piercings, the haunting sharpness.

Why am I so slow to respond? Why do I bow to procrastination? When did it get power in my life? Since when is my piddly day more important than reaching out to another human heart? Why am I timid about it?

Maybe the whys aren't important. Maybe just my recognition and awakening to this awful inversion is what counts.

I took it to the Lord in communion this morning. I judged myself of not following my inner urge to write when I could have shared my heart while a person was alive. (Not that my heart was important! Dear me. No! But that another person's life is important, and for me to take the time to acknowledge that and express my thankfulness for them.)

As I was trying to find words for a new commitment I could make with the Lord's help, I wondered silently why it was even a hint of a problem for me as I had a flashback to the times when letters from me were unfettered--free and lengthy outpourings of my heart. In that moment as if in response, I also recalled many experiences that targeted my words, hurt deeply, and caused me to restrain or second-guess (ultimately silencing) myself.

It answered my why.

As I sat with my communion elements, this time the breaking of the bread took on the significance of breaking that power over me. The body of my Lord broken for this ... for freedom from self-intimidation. After judging myself, I asked for forgiveness. I forgave those who contributed to the pressure that I responded to and shut myself down. I declared that power broken in my life. All in a gentle atmosphere of humility--acknowledging that I have no power in myself, but it's all God's doing and I welcome His work in my life to bring change, spark life, and spread His love.

I'm seeing such value (and challenge) in connection. We sure do need one another.

I want to look back and say that today is the day I leveled-up in life when it came to other people. It's another chip in the hermit-wishes (my mind gravitates toward being a hermit)! But most importantly, it's another day to step into the world bravely and see the hearts around me. It's another day to pick up my pen, put it to beautiful paper, and celebrate someone's life.

Start Forgiving. Start _____.

When we stop accusing and start forgiving, we "switch sides" so to speak. The "accuser of the brethren" is a role attributed to the devil (Rev. 12:7-12). In contrast, Jesus' words reflect forgiveness: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34 NIV).

The power of compassion and forgiveness is seen throughout Jesus' life on earth. It brought release and freedom. FREEDOM! That's what we cry out for.

Maybe the release you seek is not out ahead of you. Maybe it is within ... in your heart and in your words.

Stop accusing.
Start forgiving.

Consider all the roadblocks that are present in our lives. How many of them are connected to disappointments or other things that we hang on others: hurts, lack of grace, infringement of our rights or privacy or any other thing that makes us feel violated?

When will we take those trials and circumstances off of their human hooks? When will we forgive and move forward? What if the one way to make the path straight is to forgive? Will we give others the grace we so desperately desire? When will we stop railing against others for what we are not willing to give? We become both the accuser and violator in one.

Stop.

My heart shouts it. STOP! My heart prays it. Stop.

Let's release one another. Let's release ourselves. There are powerful desires and dreams within us. We have voices to be heard. We have significant lives to live. What is that "thing" that burns in you? Is it a message? Is it a cause? What is in your future that seems so far away?

I believe that if we are stuck behind hurts, there is a way we can be released: start forgiving. And that's not just toward others. It's toward yourself, too.

Stop accusing.
Start forgiving.
Start living.
Start _____(whatever is in your heart)_____.

The "I" Project

In 2004, I started the "I Project" which involved rediscovering myself. At the time, I had come upon some shocking news that my husband was a closet pedophile and a master manipulator who had been emotionally abusing everyone near him. Hard to believe until I got involved with professionals who deal with these kinds of things all the time. It was true.  I had unknowingly married an abuser, and I had lost myself.

I started to look through photos of decades past and read old journal entries.  I was looking for things that resonated with the "real me" that I had forgotten.  What I found was AMAZING! 

Without going into details, it turns out that I knew more than I had ever realized.  It seemed like my dreams and even my inner thoughts knew what was happening, but my logical mind fought it because I thought I was being selfish.

The big lesson? TRUST myself ... as long as I was committed to God's will and seeking His path, I should have trusted what seemed like me.  Evidently it was His Spirit in me. 

Lesson learned?  Not quite.  I had to go through a few more years in the opposite ditch before I was able to separate myself from the past - good and bad - and simply seek God.

One night on my balcony, I burned photos and memorabilia that was significant to a subsequent relationship that never quite got to the place of having God first.  It hurt.  But it was also cleansing.

Since then I have had continued challenges, but my foremost aim - even amidst repentance for being human far too much (LOL - like we all are) - is to keep God in His place in my heart. 

I am thankful for grace, forgiveness, redemption, and restoration.  He is a VERY good God, and I am so humbly grateful to be His. :-)

The Thaw

Yes, I still have a few discoverable icicles on the underside ... but life is fast and furious, and spring is here, so before long the thaw will have absorbed the daggers that threaten to dislodge and pierce whatever lies below. 

Today? I am thankful for friends who breathe warmth into my atmosphere and inspire the flow of thought that frees me from paralyzing anger.  It sounds more ominous than it is.  But I am contemplating the value of melting rather than splintering.  That moment of a satisfying, icy shatter probably only affects my own soul.  Forgiveness is hard.  But unforgiveness is harder.

Trust

Trust erodes and corrodes when lives are in limbo.  Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

Water and oxygen ... two elements necessary for life are also two elements that can deteriorate iron.  I'm intrigued.  I'm especially interested in the picture it gives of rusted out life.  Iron is so amazingly strong, yet these two elements which are life-giving (and which also do not harm iron separately) can simply by being present over time completely consume iron!

Walls and gates can lose their strength and no longer fulfill their purpose.  So too when trust erodes.  What once was strong or should be a strength is simply being eaten away.

As I think about my biggest missteps in life, it all goes back to trust.  I trusted too easily.

Mistakes and trust ... I made mistakes. I lost trust in myself.  And that was my first big mistake.

But I don't really want to reflect on the past.  I'm thinking about how limbo erodes trust.

Definitions of trust (n)

trust [ trust ]   

1. reliance: confidence in and reliance on good qualities, especially fairness, truth, honor, or ability
2. position of obligation: the position of somebody who is expected by others to behave responsibly or honorably
3. hope for future: hopeful reliance on what will happen in the future

Here is where I have made missteps ... at least with people and with myself.  I have had hopeful reliance on what will happen in the future.  And I have even had such confidence that I have made life changes in the expectation of those good things happening.  But what happens when that hope is unfulfilled?  It makes me think of Proverbs 13:12.  "Hope deferred makes the heart sick ..."

And I found an interesting version on bible.cc about the verse from the Bible in Basic English:  "Hope put off is a weariness to the heart; but when what is desired comes, it is a tree of life."

I am weary.  I am worn.  My heart is weary to the point that I once again don't know what to trust.  I feel too weak to trust myself.  Too weak to trust myself to hear truth.  I want that tree of life to grow strong.

It's amazing what we trust versus what we do not trust.  I trust my BlackBerry but not my heart.  If I can ever "get it right" in that department, I would be on my way to conquering the world.