D—Documents : a Friend's Throne Room Vision

Sadly, the original live video is already gone (new Facebook rule), but February 22 marked an important day for me when I attended a friend's prayer meeting. 

The Lord has been showing her things by way of vision, just little snapshots in time. In this particular scene, she was in a room littered with paper. She knew it was the Throne Room, and when she picked up one of the papers, she recognized it as a prayer request that had seemingly gone unanswered.

Across it was the bold stamp: GRANTED

She imagined herself spending time in that room making requests and then going out and leaving the paperwork behind or letting it flutter to the ground and an angel having to gather and return the documents.

God began to teach her (and us) about Jesus' role to execute the provisions in that document.

From my Immi Adventure in England (2011? Possibly)

Because of having to take care of all sorts of things after my dad passed on, I have a working reference to what I can do if I have legal paperwork to execute his wishes documented in his trust. PROFOUND! If he had it documented as the "grantor" of his trust, I as the "trustee" administer the trust assets according to the his instructions. I simply produce the document, and whatever is within can be done.

That is a new working thought for prayer! I think I had a less concrete view to prayer. Just go in and ask, and sometimes keep on asking. But it would be silly to go in for more paperwork when a trust has already been settled; and impossible if the grantor has passed on (in the case of a revokable living trust which become irrevokable upon death). 

Just that week, I had a similar intersection of word study that started elseswhere but ended in the same place. I noticed two verses about Jesus:

Hebrews 13:20—"ratified an eternal covenant with his blood" (NLT)
Hebrews 12:24—"mediates the new covenant between God and people" (NLT)

I remember sitting in my chair and exclaiming out loud to Him, "You are so LEGAL!" 

document (noun) doc·​u·​ment ˈdä-kyə-mənt 

1 law a archaic : proof, evidence

   b : an original or official paper relied on as the basis, proof, or support of something

   c : something (such as a photograph or a recording) that serves as evidence or proof

2 a : a writing conveying information

   b : a material substance (such as a coin or stone) having on it a representation of thoughts by means of some conventional mark or symbol

   c : documentary

3 : a computer file containing information input by a computer user and usually created with an application (such as a spreadsheet or word processor)

document (verb) doc·​u·​ment ˈdä-kyə-ˌment 

transitive verb

1 : to furnish documentary evidence of

2 : to furnish with documents

3 a : to provide with factual or substantial support for statements made or a hypothesis proposed

especially : to equip with exact references to authoritative supporting information (as by means of footnotes)

   b (1) : to construct or produce (something, such as a movie or novel) with authentic situations or events

      (2) : to portray realistically

4 nautical : to furnish (a ship) with ship's papers

*“document,” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/document. Accessed 4/3/2025.

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C—Consecrate

I thought I would be diving into this subject from an earlier place where it was so alive to me that I about came undone with any reference to consecration and sanctification. I haven't kept my notes organized, so I have yet to retrace my steps that far back (which isn't far--within the year).

Oodles and oodles of notes on so many subjects have come alive in the past, and once upon a time, I had tubs of notebooks and folders of notes on those subjects. Most of those are gone now. I probably only of a surety have things from the past year. My heart aches over that. 

But I encourage myself with the thought that if it came through my heart once, it can come again. And it will if God needs me to know it or grow it.

Tonight (veering away from that sad stance of disappearing writings), I took a quick peek into the word consecrate and found something unexpected. Hopefully I can translate this little glimpse into a blog post. And if not, it will at least be enough for me to retrace the steps later. 

So the quickie is this, from Ezekiel 43:26 (KJV). "Seven days shall they purge the altar and purify it; and they shall consecrate themselves."

That last portion is from the word מָלֵא mâlêʼ, maw-lay'; or מָלָא mâlâʼ; (Strong's Definition) a primitive root; to fill or (intransitively) be full of, in a wide application (literally and figuratively):—accomplish, confirm, consecrate, be at an end, be expired, be fenced, fill, fulfil, (be, become, × draw, give in, go) full(-ly, -ly set, tale), (over-) flow, fulness, furnish, gather (selves, together), presume, replenish, satisfy, set, space, take a (hand-) full, have wholly.

This reminded me of John 10:10 (AMPC). "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."

I knew one meaning of consecrate is "to set apart" (especially for holy use), but I didn't realize that it also indicated fullness and abundance! Talk about a point for gratitude! WOW.

I also came looking for photos of a deliberate conseceration but they seem to be missing from my phone and Google Photos! *sigh* But I do have a photo of "U" in front of the church where Dena and I changed after being baptized in the Celtic Sea on March 19, 2025. 

I wish I had time to tell the whole story now. The encounter more fully aligns with my anticipated meaning defined by Merriam Webster.

consecrate* (adjective) ˈkän(t)-sə-ˌkrāt : dedicated to a sacred purpose

(verb) transitive verb

1 : to induct (a person) into a permanent office with a religious rite

especially : to ordain to the office of bishop

2 a : to make or declare sacred

especially : to devote irrevocably to the worship of God by a solemn ceremony

   b : to effect the liturgical transubstantiation of (eucharistic bread and wine)

   c : to devote to a purpose with or as if with deep solemnity or dedication

3 : to make inviolable or venerable

I had to look up a few more words on this (just a quick dictionary box on Google from Oxford Languages):

in·vi·o·la·ble /inˈvīələb(ə)l/ : never to be broken, infringed, or dishonored.
"an inviolable rule of chastity"

ven·er·a·ble /ˈvenər(ə)b(ə)l,ˈvenrəb(ə)l/ : accorded a great deal of respect, especially because of age, wisdom, or character.
"a venerable statesman"

I like them both. :-)

There is no way I can do this topic justice in just one moment! I may need to write a small book of the short seven days that led to such holiness for me. I did at least chart the course when we were halfway through as there was already so much that I was losing track. More notebooks for me to try and capture digitally!

*"consecrate." Merriam-Webster.com. (3 April 2025).

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B—Blessing of Expression

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."

—William Arthur Ward

[I don't know Mr. Ward. I have never heard this quote until it came in a text yesterday from the makers of Ozempic, a drug my doctor has currently prescribed for diabetes. They have an entire system devoted to things like this. I even have a personal diabetes coach who works with me on goals for several months. It has nothing to do with my main post, but I wanted to be sure to make a note of it.]

This page is no longer in my notebook. It started a reminder note of what was in my heart as I hoped to share it with a young woman who danced during the church service at All Nations Church in the boxing ring in Dublin, Ireland the Sunday we were there. I didn't see her, and so I scribbled a note at the bottom of the page so one of the workers could give it to her instead.

For the benefit of search engines or those visually challenged, the note reads:

A blessing

of

EXPRESSION

Do not

be afraid

of the

BEAUTY

of it.

It is a cascade

of holiness that

reflects His beauty,

His perfection,

His passion, His

PRESENCE!

You are in my ♥

& I will hold

you in prayer!

As serendipity would have it, that evening she was one of the people invited by the church to attend our prayer meeting. What a night it was! Words often feel either pale in comparison or "too gushy" to be believable or even palatable for others to read. 

Even now, I am lightly pressed inwardly that the reception of such words is done by hearts that are prepared. It's not my words but their hearts and the Lord's orchestration. My main objective is to express and bless. Even the words I thought were for another, the Lord made known to me in that evening they were for me also. ♥♥♥♥

During that evening prayer meeting, she was ministered to and then began to pour her heart out in tongues and dance. It was fascinating! Our pastor just gave room for it all to play out. We were witnesses. There was a sense of travail and deliverance. Then the proclamation from prophetic lips: "The land shall dance again!"

So much more happened. So much went uncaptured. But the workings were released into the atmosphere and cannot be undone!

bless* (verb) ˈbles 

blessed, blest, blessing

transitive verb

1 (religion) : to hallow or consecrate by religious rite or word

2 (religion) : to hallow with the sign of the cross

3 : to invoke divine care for

4 a : praise, glorify

   b : to speak well of : approve

5 : to confer prosperity or happiness upon

6 (archaic) : protect, preserve

7 : endow, favor

Synonyms: consecrate, hallow, sacralize, sanctify

I may need to choose some of the synonyms above for use later this month because each of them has significant meaning to me. 

expression** (noun) ik-ˈspre-shən 

1 a : an act, process, or instance of representing in a medium (such as words) : utterance

   b (1) : something that manifests, embodies, or symbolizes something else

      (2) : a significant word or phrase

      (3) : a mathematical or logical symbol or a meaningful combination of symbols

      (4) : the detectable effect of a gene

2 a : a mode, means, or use of significant representation or symbolism

especially : felicitous or vivid indication or depiction of mood or sentiment

   b (1) : the quality or fact of being expressive

      (2) : facial aspect or vocal intonation as indicative of feeling

3 : an act or product of pressing out

Of all these definitions, the last highlight is the strongest to me "... a product of pressing out." Just this morning, I sat in what I am now calling "the blessing station" (my recliner) and had the wonderful opportunity of praying for and encouraging others. Two people are artists who are being pressed upon. (Add me, and there are three!)

Indeed ex + press = express, so an "exit" and "pressure" in my mind. From etymoline: literally "to press out" (source also of Italian espresso). I think of that strong, delicious elixir: coffee grounds pressed in; hot water forced through. With great pressure the grounds color the receptive water and a new substance emerges. Similar to the arts!

Maybe a definition of bless would be to "endow, fLavor"! LOL. Of course, I added the L. It is supposed to be there in my wee joke. (And I am pleased with the opportunity to use a phrase so often heard in my Ireland trip: just a wee joke!)

With that, I end this post knowing that I've dusted off an entire spider web of rabbit trails that could be pursued at any point. Pray for me! LOL. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

*"bless." Merriam-Webster.com. (31 March 2025).
**"expression." Merriam-Webster.com. (1 April 2025).

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A—Appreciate : Recognize with Gratitude

I am beginning again ... in many things. This is not a "new" process, but a fresh one—different than others new beginnings, which I guess is always true. Circumstances are never exactly the same. 

Two years ago, I attempted to do the A-to-Z Blogging Challenge and got 1.5 posts in before I couldn't keep up. One year long ago, I think I did more but also did not finish (not even close). I remember trying to plan for a future year and collect alphabetical topics, but then they started themes. 

What changed for my attempt this year?

I heard God speak to my heart earlier this year, and I have not followed through: Find something to say every day.

My nerdsy self! Oh my. I wrestled with that. Is it to be public? Private? Social media? Non-social media? (LOL! Sometimes that's my favorite kind: nonsocial.) Old-school pen and paper? Google docs? Scrivener?

So here I am again. 

Because I recently had a major experience in Ireland that resulted in a new beginning, maybe I can use the GRATITUDE theme to explore in bits what a spiritual fresh start means for me. This isn't meant to entreat the masses. I just want to gather my own reflections and challenge myself to officially find something to say each day.

appreciate* (verb) ə-ˈprē-shē-ˌāt 

transitive verb

1 a : to grasp the nature, worth, quality, or significance of

  b : to value or admire highly

  c : to judge with heightened perception or understanding : be fully aware of

  d : to recognize with gratitude

2 : to increase the value of

intransitive verb

: to increase in number or value

Before I launch into my first highlighted moment, I want to document that this was not at all what I thought God would do in Ireland. My expectation was that He would pick up with a mandate from two years prior where He asked me to petition Him regarding a prophecy I received. I did, and I kind of "left it there"—as if I threw my hands up and celebrated with a "Woohoo!" before walking out of that special place where and just counted it done. I didn't know how to tap into the execution of petitions, and am just now learning, so I thought that would be the objective for this sister trip. 

[Note: Scotland in the footsteps of Saint Columba was the first trip; Ireland in the footsteps of Saint Patrick was the second.]

My first moment I choose to APPRECIATE or recognize with gratitude is marked by communion and covenant. I suppose I could go into this more in two days for the letter C! I may. 

To explain this image, we were halfway through the journey and exploring Downpatrick. Our first stop was to The Saint Patrick Centre where I had the aha moment of finding a ring to express what God had done in me that weekend. Following, were in Saul Church for a time of prayer and communion, where I snapped this image with U (aka "you" to those I was "bring along" with me).

Finding a ring was only slightly premeditated. During dinner the night before, I shared with a couple the highly personal workings of the Lord in the previous days where I had betrothed myself to Him and His call for me. I made a slight comment something like, "I almost feel as if I need a ring!" In the gift shop as women perused jewelry, I remembered the statement, and there was one ring in my size. VOILA!

*"appreciate." Merriam-Webster.com. (30 March 2025).

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A Flashback Before April

Last night I went to a Celebration of Life. In the background is a replica of "The Travail of the Flag" by Shelli Baker-Manuel Landon. Hers was the life that transitioned beyond the veil. The link gives a brief history of the full painting and prophetic vision that spurred it. I read it just now and tears flowed yet again. This is my flashback to an artistic, inspired life that briefly intersected with my own.

I don't remember where I first heard Shelli's testimony. I remember getting her book by the same title as the painting, likely a gift from either my mom or my aunt. (By the way, my aunt and uncle, Kathleen and Jim Kaseman, are pictured in the "Parade of Saints" in the lower left area. I went up close to the replica last night and captured a quick photo.) 

I also don't remember where I heard/read about her plea to God to allow her to paint like the masters. I don't think it is in the book The Travail of the Flag. But I do remember that the story and the book enraptured me! What God can do with an artistic life that is wholly given to Him moved me deeply. 

It seems that I immediately penned a letter to Shelli as a result. Within days, I think, we ended up at the same ministry meeting in Rogers, Missouri. Imagine my delight! I don't recall if it was my unsent letter still unfinished that I gave to her (probably) or her reply handed to me, but she ministered to me greatly then and beyond. If I still have that letter (or letters?), it will be like gold. If I have ANY letters from those who meant so much to me in those days, they will all be like gold!

Also connected to my new, slightly obsessive interest was Billye Brim's teaching on the Blood (and I may have heard Shelli's testimony in one of her meetings). I was insatiable for old songs about the blood of Jesus. I found one extra-beautiful hymn: The Cleansing Blood; and I wrote one inspired by Billye's book: The Blood and the Glory.

As I sit with this today, I think about the extreme obedience that marked me with Shelli's story. I am struck by the prophetic power of the arts when yielded to Him. Shelli's expressions have always been empassioned and without reserve. I've always admired her boldness. 

When my then-husband and I stopped traveling and dedicated ourselves to church staff, that's when I began losing track of people like Shelli. We were no longer at meetings, and it was more difficult to make those journeys once our eldest was in school. Then our second child came along, and I can only see this now when looking back, but we were headed for disaster! Chaos reigned for some time after I suddenly became a single mom. It is only now beginning to straighten out after 20 years. 

In recent years, I was reunited with Shelli (now with husband Barry Landon) during my time as a writer at Rhema. I recall being excited and praying for their potential way to help during COVID ... only I wasn't able to help spread the word much or make connections because it was just before my world went wild again. I stepped away from Rhema for what I thought would be a short time to help my dad. He passed on, however, and my disabled brother needed someone to assist him, so my back-and-forth life began. That continued until I crashed after my brother's burial. Only now have I somewhat resurrected.

Recently I was thinking about Barry and Shelli—wondering what became of the COVID device to purify air and hoping it had blessed them. The thought has been familiar, so I realize they have been on my heart for a while. I wish I had known what to do with that thought. I find that often when someone passes, they are on my heart for a time (or quite some time) before. 

Amazingly, God helped me to see a post about her memorial service. I went. The stories resonated once again, and I am challenged to set my own artistry free in God's hand. Shelli's life is so large! I struggle to think of someone who is so specifically inspiring to me. I was once a budding, multi-gifted creative. I don't know if I will be exactly that again, but I am on the precipice of just such a journey. 

I noticed the celtic carvings on her harp—so serendipitous to my return from Ireland the week before. Renewal. Restoration. Rededication. Revival. Shelli continues to urge me forward. ♥♥♥♥

Confessions of an Introvert on a Sunday Morning

Public is difficult. People who know me from my youth find it surprising that I do not consider myself an extrovert. In a way, it surprises me too.

At some point, I found some kind of safety in hiding. It wasn't conscious.

It's easier.

A word that has come up recently and consistently is trauma. I don't know what to do with that word, honestly. And I don't really think I'm supposed to seek out something to do with it. I'll trust God to reveal what I truly need to know about it.

Speaking of words, there has always been safety in words for me. Yes, words can be damaging. I know. I know. But when I needed relief, a retreat into words always revived me—as long as I gave myself room to luxuriate.

I remember in the late 80s after two partial colleges and before marriage, I took "vacations" on the top of my bunk bed with books, notebooks, and a freshly baked loaf of bread. I think that's what I attempt to do on Sunday mornings when I can't seem to make myself get out the door. 

But it's a bit different now. I sit with words, yes. The distractions are higher. The consequences are weightier. It isn't just a luxury, though it could be. It's more of a wrestling match. 

Even this post, which I originally thought would bring some expression and discovery just hung there after the previous paragraph for a day. Now I'm here just to sew it up and move on. *sigh*

Death and Life of Spring

Spring is here. My hacked willow has plenty of dead branches which distracted me when I went to get the mail on Tuesday. I snapped off many little limbs until one popped me in the eye. Technically it was UNDER my eye, but it made me wonder if I'd have a bruise. (I didn't.) At least it's not evident enough to attract my attention when I glance by a bathroom mirror.

With one broken branch, I attempted to clear out a bit of a crook in the tree. Ants live there. I abandoned that too. But I did manage to take photos of tiny beauty present at my feet.

 

I'm resisting the urge to edit photos and make them pretty. If I had time, I'd do that and write something substantial. But I know if I did not take this quick opportunity, the moments may be lost for a very long time aside from the photos that had writerly thoughts once stirring in my head.

Tightness Melted

I didn't realize how tense I was inside. I'm not "that" type of person--uptight, anxious, worried (or so I think). But something similar happens in me, and I'm beginning to notice.

Take yesterday. My schedule changed when I agreed to take my daughter to a medical appointment. Not a big deal, but I wasn't as productive as I would have liked, and I missed some church activities. Everything seemed "normal" until I was leaving. I opened the door to the garage and saw this:

IT MELTED ME! Instead of being met by chaos and things that need attention, I had an intentional scene. Granted, it isn't much by way of design and decor, but it MINISTERED peace to me. Tension I didn't know I had melted away. That's how I identified the tightness that wrapped itself around my thoughts and breath. I noticed when it left. 

I looked up "minister" in the online Webster's 1913 dictionary:

Min"is*ter, v. i.

1. To act as a servant, attendant, or agent; to attend and serve; to perform service in any office, sacred or secular. Matt. xx. 28.

2. To supply or to things needful; esp., to supply consolation or remedies. Matt. xxv. 44.

This little grouping of mostly discarded items is so small and imperfect that I want to apologize for it to the design world, yet I cannot deny the powerful moment I received yesterday! It was a supply of something needful, a consolation, a remedy to an unknowingly rigid, stressed mind from humble design!

It also ties into a phrase that is resurfacing in my thoughts—that an object must serve me, not me serve it. I'll have to write the Amish telephone story and link it here. That's where it all started long ago in the '90s.

Even this morning, as I contemplated the amount of loose tea to use when making a full bodum pot (since I cannot have caffeine the day before my stress test), I hovered a wooden tablespoon with a second helping and thought, It is here to serve you. Use what you desire. 

I always desire a strong flavor. The second tablespoon went in.

Agh! This flies in the face of historical me! Conservation is my usual ruling impetus. Make it last. Get your money's worth. Function is probably right behind that. Everything serves a purpose. No fluff. I've cut off so much desire over the years that it's been hard to identify now. But there is a Guide who helps me. That prompt used in a micro setting like tea could be answered. To be honest, I did falter for a moment. I may have even limited my desire by conservation and function, but at least I stretched it a little bit! I suppose it's like a muscle that hasn't been used for a long time. Flacid. Unusable. But small those small stimuli and exercise can probably prod it back to life again.

When it comes to function, what if the purpose of an object or a setting is to minister? This ministered peace. Certain things I own minister ease, like the massive food processor I received at Christmas versus the mortar and pestle that I attempted to mangle Thai ginger with last week. Yes, I intended to simplify and live like I do in Guatemala—All I need is a broom, towel, and a bucket!—but here I am already cluttered with ease.

So the other day, when I daydreamed about that pink rug and making a garage entrance that pleased me (kind of like how I feel when I see my pink front door entry), it was also not the usual me. A fluffy pink carpet in the garage? That didn't even qualify as logic. But I SAW IT in my imagination. And I'm learning to take action on those things.

[Side note: I just crossed my arms and was considering how far to take this when I heard, "Take your pleasure. Like all things, it is here to serve you." Oh yeah!]

I am in the midst of a rabbit trail stemming from the word minister that led to sacerdotal duties. At some definition/etymology/root/origin note, I thought I read "sacerdotal life" in a short, descriptive list. It wasn't actually there, but again, I SAW IT, and now I'm acting on it. It carries the feeling that this is a part of the "gentle warrior" puzzle (and I should link it to that blog, I suppose). Wait! I know. I'll finish my rabbit trail and post it on that blog, then link back to it here. It strikes me as a lifestyle-worthy mindset.

I just had the luxurious thought I can write ANYTHING! LOL. It's like a kid with a crayon and the paper is not just one standard sheet, but a whole roll.

Seriously. I edit myself so constantly that while I was elaborating a few paragraphs up, the balance my mind was contemplating in words and grammar and a myriad of things too numerous to list, it felt like a blanket had been flipped up and "snapped" to clear it. 

This blog is here to serve me.
I can write anything I want.
Even grammar can go by the wayside.
Punctuation police don't exist.
Take your pleasure.
Write what you desire.

The Ongoing Reorganization Project

It's all on deck. The shelves were the most solid part of the reorganization project. I bough them at an estate sale and painted them with an "Iona color" from my design palette (if I can call it that—just my collection of colors that resonated with me). They were temporarily organized until ... the mini whirlwind.

Astrid has a thing about these bookshelves. Everything at her two-year-old level is attempted to be pushed back. I believe I will start organizing them that way. It's becoming a chore to reset after the grandkids are here.

So I started in. there were a few things hidden behind books as well. I retrieved more books and a picture frame.

By the way, the stack of Danielle Steel books in the bottom middle have a special purpose. I do not read them. But they are HUGE and heavy enough to flatten and dry flower petals from my father's funeral in 2020. I found them at his local library giveaway cart and snatched them up quick—FREE BOOKS! So if anyone is nosy enough to notice, no I do not read romance novels. I have no clue if the author is good, but she is obviously popular! I'm just thankful for big books with matte pages.

The huge painting was done by my maternal grandmother, who painted it from slides taken by my parents while they were in the Peace Corps in Micronesia. My grandfather framed it, possibly with barn wood. He also created the empty frame to the right, which I will fill with ... I don't know yet!

I'm testing the large painting to see if it goes with the room. The longer I leave it there, the more it seems like it belongs. But I may put it over the piano. Then again, I'd love to have the piano more moveable and bring it "in here" (the dining room behind the firelpace) to make a music room.

The items on top are all awaiting some form of attention. 

I'll start giving it to them today!

One Little Opening

My Broccoli Has Issues

It's not a science yet, but I've endeavored to make Aldi my garden. By this, I mean having a place to go pluck up ripe produce and use it.

HOWEVER, a hole in the packaging leaves broccoli vulnerable to mold! This is why I feel like I need to no longer plan ahead and think daily. 

One Little Light

 

Christmas--the first in my "Iona House"--was different than I anticipated. If not for the candlelight portion of the previous Sunday service at my church, I would feel as if a large part went missing. Usually we attend such a service on Christmas Eve. This year, we didn't. Yet that night, when my daughter and I were both exhausted by the previous day of baking cookies with the little ones, I was glad to subtract it from the schedule.

What happened instead (the very thing I wanted to avoid) was that our family time was focused mainly on opening gifts. 

It was better this year, but still not the simple and peaceful "Iona" version I longed for. 

We read a portion of the Christmas story before we opened gifts. I should have previously found the children's book I know I have somewhere. At least it would have had images for them to look at. (Add to checklist for next year.)

We ended with the main gift I wanted to give to each of the families--a $50 bill and declaration of JUBILEE for each. To me, this is symbolic of restoration for all and even a seed for my own restoration.

But I don't want a restoration to what was. I want a restoration of God's original design--for all of us!

NO weapon EVERY tongue

I got derailed in a transcription recently when the speaker declared, "No weapon formed against us will prosper!" I went on a rabbit trail and didn't return until today. When I saw where I was, I immediately remembered what happened (but never happened). I intended to write about the power of such words.

Even in this moment, I will make it very short because I need to return back to it. But I can still feel the power of similar words from a female police officer standing in an intersection on a rainy day. My "jubilee car" had just been smashed. The driver and one remaining witness said it was my fault, but I had a green light (and my witness left--and his phone number never connected). That woman was all business and did her duty with strict efficiency, but spoke to my tears only once: "No weapon formed against you shall prosper." Her voice was authoritative and factual--just like she had been throughout the incident. I believe I made this card after that. 

[NOTE: I did make it that day--05-07-2019 according to the photo.]

So once again, I am flung back to her voice and words as I face the most devastating "stuff" blow yet. 

Bad news keeps coming regarding my home. And I am declaring this again. Maybe I should make this into a mug and sell it to make some money! (I want to make a font too, but that will take a long time.) OH HEY! I could do a digital download of this very item for people who may want to help? Just a quick $1 to download it? No. I need to make a nice one. I'm babbling now.

This post seems to solidify that I need a place to just babble! LOL. I find myself becoming more and more of a hermit. 

How slow do you want the fire to burn?

 

Just a little over a year ago, I had an urge to set up my special writing place. One person I wanted to tell was my aunt because I had been thinking how long it took me to get back to a place of writing--FOR ME. That urge happened just before she passed away. I probably wrote about it on Instagram, but tonight I'm writing here because I don't want it to post to Facebook, which is where my Instagram accounts lead. 

I am really hurting. 

Ironically this blog started because it was a connection with family and friends 20 years ago while I and my kids went through a massive crisis. Now I'm using it as a silent place while yet another crisis wave splashes on the shores. It hasn't stopped.

I came here to write and gasped at the last blog. I forgot I had written it until I saw it. Sanctuary.

This place that was to become a sanctuary is about to be "condemned." The floors and appliances will be torn out. Most of everything will follow the parade to a massive dumpster. The roof might be torn off as well, and who knows what the mold experts will find in the vents. It will be rebuilt, of course. It will be restored. Tonight I contemplate this: 

How slow do you want the fire to burn? I feel like that's the question I must answer for the helpful few who hold matches ready. Their estimates calculate the dollars and time to destroy and restore.

On the other side, I will curate the life I desire for myself. But wow is it hard to make these decisions.

A - Abide (Resilience A-to-Z Blog Challenge)

I intended to write through April. It is April 7. Why have I not yet written? I forgot! YEP. It just left my mind until I was in my notebook yesterday and thought of a word to write about. I went to my list, and a vague memory of writing the date came to me . . . IT'S ALREADY APRIL! What kind of fog have I been in?

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And now it is April 9. I will reset the publishing date to April 1 so posts stay in order and show up on the correct day each was issued. But just know ... I'm all over the place! Maybe I will catch up today. It's Easter, after all, and all about resurrection. Will I resurrect this intention?

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This writing challenge has a theme: resilience. I noticed that the word resilience skyrocketed with the pandemic. That surprised me! It seems like a solid, steady, evergreen word to me. This is the groundwork. I have highlighted portions that stood out to me from the merriam-webster.com website. This is my analogy. Have I had setbacks? Yes! Has my life been deformed? Oh my. YES! Do I want to leap back and recover my true self? Yes again!

 resilience  noun

re·​sil·​ience // ri-ˈzil-yən(t)s 

1 : the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress

2 : an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change

Using Resilience Outside of Physics

In physics, resilience is the ability of an elastic material (such as rubber or animal tissue) to absorb energy (such as from a blow) and release that energy as it springs back to its original shape. The recovery that occurs in this phenomenon can be viewed as analogous to a person's ability to bounce back after a jarring setback. The word resilience derives from the present participle of the Latin verb resilire, meaning "to jump back" or "to recoil." The base of resilire is salire, a verb meaning "to leap" that also pops up in the etymologies of such sprightly words as sally and somersault.

“Resilience Definition & Meaning.” Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster. Accessed April 9, 2023. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/resilience. 

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And now to the real blog of what I want to say/document (or whatever this turns into). 

ABIDE

The definition of this word disappointed me. There is a lot of tolerance and even suffering involved! The most simple summary I found of abide is this: "to be able to live with or put up with." (vocabulary.com) 

I expected cozy words. I wanted to snuggle up into abide like a secret sanctuary where I thrive in peace and comfort. My original thought was that if I have a place to abide where I flourish, even if it is only inwardly, it enables me to have resilience—a place where hope is alive and tasted daily, a place of rest and refreshment, a place to regroup, reflect, and eventually bounce back or be reborn.

This word abide is more like the wheels-to-the-ground working of resilience. It's rugged. It's war. To abide is to endure a vigorous onslaught without yielding or submitting. (dictionary.com)

But there's also an oddity. I found another word for abide: brook. 

As it turns out, there's a use of brook that must be somewhat archaic! Either brook or abide can be used when it comes to topics like tolerate, allow, accept, bear, endure. (thesaurus.plus) Of course, I stuck my nose into it a bit. There are all kinds of nuances in the etymology that intrigue me. Maybe tomorrow's B-word will change to brook!

My original plan of diving into key words to resilience just jumped track! I've got a mystery on my hands.

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#AtoZchallenge #2023 #resilience #abide 

PS. And if you like notebooks, these are my current favorite. The covers are from my night walks in holiday lights. 

That Feeling . . .

 

You know that feeling that's hard to describe because it doesn't fit neatly into words? Yeah, that one. It doesn't matter if it's happy or sad (except that sad is sad) because it defies a description. 

How many times do we just gloss over those? How many times to we obsess? I don't know. But what I do sense in myself is that I'm tired of doing either one. I'm tired of being tethered to extremes while the river of life is rushing by making currents around me.

For decades, my familiar zone has been crisis. I don't like to say "comfort zone" because it's not comfortable. But in some ways priorities are easier. They present themselves surrounded by disaster. I think it's easier to stack sandbags against a flood of disaster than to dream of a new life.

So here I am on yet another "adventure" of breakthrough looking for the sandbags and some sort of directive of where to start stacking. I'm realizing that the only disasters on the way are tied to other people--people I love, people who have been battered by life alongside me, people who have different hurts, and people who cope in ways I can't comprehend.

I don't have the strength for this.

I know. I know. I can do all things through Christ. The joy of the Lord is my strength. But now I'm asking for what? There is a grace for God's will. Is His will for me to stay in these trenches? What does that look like without me being an enabler? Am I to rise up myself and later offer a hand? How do I stop the erosion? Should I stop it? 

At one point I decided to not do anything until I knew what to do. 

Sigh. That seems like a neverending place to be. So I feel like I need to shift--just not now, not in a sleep-deprived state. For now, I think I need to be satisfied knowing that I expressed something instead of glossing over the undefined discontent in my soul.

Win Life!

 

Today I read this in The One Year Bible at Luke 21:19 (NIV): "Stand firm, and you will win life." My curiosity was flagged. I've learned to listen to this curious prompt. Something wonderful is usually on the other side. Today it was not a strong urge, but I wondered what kind of life I would win. Zoe perhaps? 

I went to my favorite app, Blue Letter Bible, and looked it up. It has an interlinear feature so I can see what original words were translated into our English language. At first, I thought I entered the wrong text. I double-checked. Nope! It was correct. I scrolled for context. Yep. Still correct: "In your patience possess ye your souls" (Luke 21:19 KJV).

Psyche (G5590) is the word translated souls. That wasn't surprising, but I was looking for the word life. Interesting. And truly it does mean the "breath of life." But that's a bigger study than what I have time for this morning. It is part of a large curiosity that I have yet to unravel: the difference between soul and spirit (because the original words are not just translated for one or the other, they seem to interchange with our translation of them).

I decided to look up patience first. Hypomonē (G5281) comes from hypomenō (G5278), which is a compound of two words: hypo (G5259) "under" and menō (G3306) "remain." So the first level, hypomonē, I saw Strong's definitions present it immediately as "a cheerful (or hopeful) endurance." I like that! Not just endurance, but cheerful or hopeful! It went on to add: "constancy:—enduring, patience, patient continuance (waiting)." The word this came from (hypomenō, just a swap of two letters -monē vs. -menō) means basically to remain, or as Strong's more fully says: "to stay under (behind), i.e. remain; figuratively, to undergo, i.e. bear (trials), have fortitude, persevere:—abide, endure, (take) patient(-ly), suffer, tarry behind." No mention of cheerful or hopeful here! I wonder how that difference of the end of the word brings out those characteristics?

So what does it mean to possess or win? Here's to Strong's again: κτάομαι ktáomai, ktah'-om-ahee; a primary verb; to get, i.e. acquire (by any means; own):—obtain, possess, provide, purchase. It's a primary verb, so there's not a lot of vertical digging. But I did discover a couple of interesting lateral finds! Thayer's Greek Lexicon included these two: to acquire, get or procure a thing for oneself; and to acquire a wife versus a harlot! What does this mean to me? Commitment. Exclusivity. I've heard people mention that they would marry themselves. LOL. Maybe this is they key? Possess your soul—exclusively for you—commit to it!

NIV: "Stand firm, and you will win life."

KJV: "In your patience possess ye your souls."

AMPC: "By your steadfastness and patient endurance you shall win the true life of your souls."

ESV: "By your endurance you will gain your lives."

TLB: "For if you stand firm, you will win your souls."

For other word nerds like me, you might enjoy seeing how the same word for endurance shows up in other New Testament verses. There are a lot of benefits connected! These are from ESV and the links take you to Blue Letter Bible if you want to study any of them. You're welcome!

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 Luk 8:15

As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.

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 Luk 21:19

By your endurance you will gain your lives.

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 Rom 2:7

to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life;

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 Rom 5:3

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,

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 Rom 5:4

and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,

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 Rom 8:25

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

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 Rom 15:4

For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

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 Rom 15:5

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus,

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 2Co 1:6

If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.

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 2Co 6:4

but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities,

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 2Co 12:12

The signs of a true apostle were performed among you with utmost patience, with signs and wonders and mighty works.

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 Col 1:11

being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy;

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 1Th 1:3

remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

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 2Th 1:4

Therefore we ourselves boast about you in the churches of God for your steadfastness and faith in all your persecutions and in the afflictions that you are enduring.

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 2Th 3:5

May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.

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 1Ti 6:11

But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.

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 2Ti 3:10

You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness,

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 Tit 2:2

Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.

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 Heb 10:36

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.

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 Heb 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

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 Jas 1:3

for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

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 Jas 1:4

And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

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 Jas 5:11

Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

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 2Pe 1:6

and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,

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 Rev 1:9

I, John, your brother and partner in the tribulation and the kingdom and the patient endurance that are in Jesus, was on the island called Patmos on account of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus.

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 Rev 2:2

“‘I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false.

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 Rev 2:3

I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary.

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 Rev 2:19

“‘I know your works, your love and faith and service and patient endurance, and that your latter works exceed the first.

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 Rev 3:10

Because you have kept my word about patient endurance, I will keep you from the hour of trial that is coming on the whole world, to try those who dwell on the earth.

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 Rev 13:10

If anyone is to be taken captive,
to captivity he goes;
if anyone is to be slain with the sword,
with the sword must he be slain. Here is a call for the endurance and faith of the saints.

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 Rev 14:12

Here is a call for the endurance of the saints, those who keep the commandments of God and their faith in Jesus